Jane McKie

Jane McKie makes a living by masterminding a rum smuggling operation from Inchkeith Island in the Firth of Forth. She is aided in this by a tribe of crabs based on Portobello seafront who have adopted her as their resident deity. She is associated with the moon.

A frequent visitor to the south of England, Jane became the first amateur to score a 147 maximum break at snooker on the notorious "red table" at Brighton & Hove Working Mens' Club. On another occasion she slept in the same bed as the Archbishop of Canterbury.

Jane also writes poetry.